I was reading a fic earlier today (don’t judge me) and learned about the Party Exclusion Principle (or Pauli Exclusion Principle, if you’re a boring physicist that never goes to parties), and decided to share my thoughts on the old BookFace. What followed was the most deeply scientific conversation I’ve ever had.

Johnson- The Party Exclusion Principle clearly states that it’s impossible for someone to be at two parties at the same time. It’s one of the fundamental laws of physics that nobody can break, but I’ll be damned if I stop trying.

Apex- But according to quantum physics, there’s a chance you can be in both places at the same time. We could lock you in a room at one party, and lock a door at another and hypothesize whether you’re in both rooms or not

Johnson- Now that sounds like real science. Or maybe, using the quantum properties of tachyons, we could create an alternate timeline of myself that could go to the OTHER party. The only problem is, we couldn’t meet up later to talk about it because as soon as my clone and I make eye contact the Singularity consumes the Universe.

Apex- Now that brings up an interesting question. Which Talon do we kill? Since they’re both you, how do we decide which one to spare…I’VE GOT IT! AN INTERPRETIVE DANCE-OFF

Johnson- Well, don’t kill me. Kill not-me. Just sprinkle some Essence of Hobbes on him to make his life nasty, brutish and short.

Apex- How do you prove which one isn’t you though?

Johnson- The only unified conclusion I can come up with out of all this is that scientists hate parties. Or they just don’t get invited to many.